“Walker” @ 3AM

An excerpt from Peripatet, my forthcoming nonfiction book, went up at 3AM Magazine. Also, I set up a day called Attila Csihar day for Dennis Cooper’s blog, so here’s that.

Walker: Sunday, 11:00 AM. Saw friends last night, felt strange. Went to the wrong house first and it was filled with people I might’ve known. I went to the next house and felt a bit more at ease because I knew it was the place I’d intended to go, but not much. Can’t have conversations with people like I used to. Can’t open up or think out loud anymore. Still. There’s this voice in my head having a conversation I’m never able to really articulate. It’s in there, now, tearing down this moment and turning it into something to fear. I remember in meetings everywhere I’ve gone someone saying that their brain wants them dead. I think I identified with this more than anything said in meetings. I’ve heard it said in a number of zip codes, those exact same words out of the mouth of different people going through the same thing.

Attila Csihar Day

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